SevEn StaRreD LaDy iN bLuE

floating

2010-10-11T04:17:00.000-07:00

maybe it would not have been so hard had you been here

may be it would not have felt so lonely had you been sitting beside me

but it was not so, and I'm afraid I've lost my life

maybe my life would not be hell if you've taken me up to heaven

maybe this was something that was meant to be

and all i could say is, maybe...

and it still is not so and I'm afraid I've lost you...

goosebumps in my heart

2009-12-13T23:14:00.000-08:00

i am a tranquil person
i live my life alone
things around me never changes
coz shifting things chases the sanity out of me

you are a traveling person
in one place you never stay for long
far before i have seen you
you vowed to make me turn

we live in a crazy world
where ordinary life is not accepted
everything has to be outrageous sometimes
to spice up this life of ours

i feel that you have pursued me
and long before, i have felt that you did
i ran away as fast as i could
trying to hide beneath this clear facade

you scare me, i am frightened
by your sweet words, i have fallen
i doubt, i am stricken
with a love i am sure to go unspoken

as hard as i could,
i want to dash away from you
this is how you affect me
darling don't scare me.

here i am in this changing world
i thought, my silence i could preserve
but here you come, you've changed my life
something that has never happened before

presumptuously, you stole my heart
before my very eyes, you picked it
dazed it left me
in a flash i knew not where it was

you scare me, leaving goosebumps in my heart
i am afraid by the seriousness of this comedy
i am unsure where my place is
in this whole candlelit, eerie space

i fear to tread on stormy waters
the ponds, the lake, i revere
but the whole calmness of your love
betrays the deep raging i feel

how can you be so sure?
the world turns like a top
so fast it goes and then stops
i fear you'll halt before i know

so high, so down
carousel-like is how it feels
spin me fast, pull me abrupt
it leaves me in a whirling frame of mind

how far will this go?
i fear i may stumble
sweet words i cannot return
in my grim condition, i moan

the winding road that leads to you
bumps and turns, it is made of
at every corner, it threatens
from your shadow, i want to run from

the straight road lead to me
no hills, no cracks
but wary, that i am
suspense and fear is what i live for

hair stands on its ends
for face value i cannot trust
so beautiful it looks
but it drops like a ride on a run away coaster

easy it would not be, long before i knew
have pity on my shocked heart
it dangles on a feeble string
so quickly tossed, like the waves it is

ever-mindful of this changing seasons
i have to believe this won't last long
coz forever scares the daylights out of me
i have to believe my heart won't shatter.

learn to stand up where you've fallen

2009-12-04T00:32:00.000-08:00

how far can you get?
how serious can you be?
when you have had it in your hands, are you willing to let it go?

'cause you were giving me a chance but i threw it away.
you were willing to love me but i was my skeptic self
i did not want to have to trust you or your words
i wanted to be left alone
i did not believe that it could happen, that it was possible.

how gullible can i be in the face of a passing time
why did i have to lean on my fears and not on my saving grace
where am i going, can you please tell me?

because life gave me an opportunity yet i ignored it
i have been waiting to learn to love
but at first glance, i shied away from it
your intentions were clear as day
i suspected you were something gray.

now i ask myself, where are you?
now my life is back
if i could catch you once again, will you still love me?

i am a cynic in my own right
but romance is in your breast so tight
i am cold-hearted and you are warm
i wanna feel you in my arms
are you real? will you stay?
are you serious or is this mere wordplay?

i have spent my sleeping hours thinking of you
i reserved my waking moments dreaming of you
i fantasized that things would come true
i never knew i was meant to be blue
i was starting to fall
i am lucky something caught me before i stumbled
i might not have fallen
but my mind wanders as if i have been loosened

nothing to think of, nothing to fear
no dreams to chase, no one to speak
no message, no love
i live to be unloved, forgotten
in the course of time, i am rotten.

learn to love when it comes
know it by its silver mane
sheath it, crown it
tie it and hold it
never let it go
because i, forever, will never know.

got to give myself a chance....stop worrying

2009-11-23T03:25:00.000-08:00

before anything else, i would like to begin this blog with a horoscope. i am not usually besotted by this but sometimes, i have to admit that some of the things written are somewhat true.

so i opened my friendster today and this is what i found.....

The Bottom Line

Being lucky in love rearranges things in your life, right down to the details.

In Detail

You like to keep things the same as much as you possibly can. At the moment, however, that's just about impossible, especially when it comes to either work or joint financial ventures. Before you get upset about it and lay into whomever you think is responsible for trying to break up your day, give the change a chance. That way, if the end result is better than it would have been without any changes, there won't be any need for apologies.

how very timely and odd.

somehow it sums up most of what has been happening to me these past few weeks.

it started a few months back. i can't exactly remember the exact date because i did not pay attention at the time but i believe that it happened somewhere between august and September. there is this friend of mine, an acquaintance you might say, but a friend in my opinion just the same. he had been telling for the last month that he was going away for work. and so he did. to make it short, he did leave the city but he gave me one surprise. something that really surprised me despite its being common. he gave my number to his brother.

i did not know then that he did that. i was surprised one day to find a message from someone i did not know.

yes, he did gave my number to his brother. this brother of his was new at the city at the time and he wanted me to befriend his brother so he won't feel so alone. at the time I thought, what? he gave my number to his brother?! but then i calmed myself and told myself it was alright. i don't know this brother of his and anyway, it's not as if something's going to happen. so i let flow its course.

how very wrong of me to think that it was nothing and soon he would tire of talking to a faceless person. For he did not.

sometime after that, his brother was leading the course over to an entirely different direction. something above what we had. and i was shocked and angry. i've got to say i was angry.

somehow, those reading this would find it a very common thing to happen these days. still, there is the fact that i do not have unknown people texting me, sending me messages. i just let it happen out of consideration for the friendship I had with his brother.

And I was angry because I do not like people who are unknown to me courting me and telling me flowery words. because i believed then that it was most likely a joke and it is not right to play with someone else's feelings. I was so angry at him that I did not talk to him again.

But despite all that, I still kept on sending him quotes as a member of my phonebook and nothing else. One day, he sent me a message and told me "pag Xure oi".

during that time, I was so immersed in my studies that I forgot I got angry at him. well, it stopped me on my tracks. it made me think of my actions and somehow, I felt guilty for something i do not know.

weeks after that, we went on an outing trip somewhere. friends and acquaintancesof mine, including I, met on a place we all know. then there is this group of friends who are younger than I am who kept on talking about this faceless textmate of mine. I just listened and time after time, I would find myself asking wuestions about him. it turns out that it was his brithday the sunday before. and it also turned out that I had picked a fight with him on that day.

hmmmm.... so much for knowing.

so right there, I apologized to him and wished him a belated happy birthday. he did not reply to my message and i just put into my mind that it was my fault anyway. so there we went to this outing. Later that afternoon, when it was already beginning to get dark, we headed for home. the vehicle we rode on turned out to be owned by his employer. i forgot about it at the time. then, i found myself later outside the house of his employer and I saw him. it was the forst time i ever saw him. i recognized him because of the jersey he wore which had thier family name on it and because he looked like a younger and paler version of his brother.

I've got to say Iw as elated to have seen him not because he is handsome but because i've already seen him and he haven't seen me yet. it was this mischievous side of me who was egging me to send him a message about it. So I did. I thought at the time, why not have fun, right?

but he did not reply and i forgot about it. again.

the sunday after that, we were at church for an activity and there he was passing by me. I just felt I had to confirm about what I felt knew. I asked my friend who was beside me who he was and she replied positively. what happened next I knew nothing about.

this mischievous friend of mine suddenly called him and introduced us. i was so surprised that she did that and i found myself denying her introductions. i was looking at him and he was looking quite confused with us. so i introduced myself so he would walk away because I was so mortified.

the next morning, at two a.m, he sent me a message saying that he was going home. i got shocked and texted him right away as soon as I opened my eyes and found that message. he replied to it and he was already on the way home. i don't know what happened but i felt like i did not want him to go.

we texted the whole day and i found out that he was serious about his proposition. i did not know quite what to say. i am so unsure of myself and that horoscope is so alike with what my cousin told me. she told me to give myself a chance and to stop worrying.

well, i've decided to give it a try.

good luck to me.

when the time comes...

2009-07-15T07:21:00.000-07:00

when the time comes....

for the ugly duckling to turn into a swan....

for cinderella's rags to turn into a gown....

for peter pan's body of wood into a human's body....

for the swan princess to turn into Odessa....

for the dancing shoes to dance again....

for king arthur to have lived once again....

is the time when............

i will be ready to face up to the challenges,

i am ready to come out of my shell....

i am...........

a whole person,

a stronger human,

a mind of my own,

a stubborness to match the backbreaking work i need to do

then.....

i know i have reached my goal,

i have known what life is really like,

i have known that i am ready to face the world i live in.

i will be happy and be able to surrender my soul forever.

death comes nearer each time....

2009-07-01T07:50:00.000-07:00

in two days time we will be burying our grandfather. now i have no immediate grandfather anymore...

it's distressing to know that one of the key persons in my life has died.

in terms of performing duties and responsibilities, i have always looked up to him the way i look up to my brother and my other siblings. but now he's gone. i don't know what to say or think really.

the most constant thought that enters my mind is that he is already resting from this world and all the problems and trials, sins and weaknesses, are already way past him. in a way, i congratulate him from the bottom of my heart cause he remained true to the end to whatever oaths and vows he had made in the past. his steadfastness and his courage, his loyalty and his hope, never failed him nor did he give up easily.

and with this, i know that my dear grandfather who, as my mother always told me, favored me among his grandchildren, has lived a life that was well-lived and full of deep meanings though he lived the life somewhat of a paralytic, owing to his health condition and his stroke years ago, i daresay, his life was not and has not been a waste. you might have hated him for the way he managed things and people around him, yet it is not enough reason to take away from him the gift that he has always longed for.

from now on, his soul has cleaved to the dust just as his spirit has returned to God.

i just hope i have the same strength that he had, his faith and his strong will. Bless him....

new year experience

2009-01-20T17:45:00.000-08:00

everytime new year started, it wasn't really all that new to me, it was like living life over again. it wasn't exactly new, everything was old-- tradition, the way we celebrate it, everything. so life wasn't really all that new, and it was like living it all over again-- boring.

but this year was different. i mada it a point that i celebrate it with something new.

A week before New Year's Eve, I travelled from home to Tanauan on Christmas Day. I wanted, really wanted to do something new and to experience a holiday without my family and to experience new things. And it was good.

There they celebrate new year without the usual fireworks. True, it was noisy but it wasn't because of the usual fireworks but because every household brought out their boomboxes and stereos and they had a disco during the eve until noon the next day.

there, the people that weren't even a part of the family were invited to eat with us and share our buena noche. it was a good experience, a different one nonetheless it was a new way to start off a year.

waiting for snow by april gonzaga

2008-10-27T02:05:00.000-07:00

i have read this pocketbook before but i forgot about it. it’s a very good story. i very much like it because though the plot has a familiarity to me, still the story manages to solicit a positive reaction and a flow of emotions that so few a book could elicit from me.

it’s about second chances, second lives, well-developed characters that you just find yourself reading on and on. there’s poetry in it and it’s good because it’s in Filipino which means that it could elicit a far deeper emotion and stir a different kind of reaction and would mean a lot more than a foreign novel would.

the parts of a poetry that one of the characters supposedly made which is present at the beginning of every chapter is so rich and captivating. who would have known that ivy luna would fall for the man she did not like being with? who would have known that the man she was keeping in her heart was the same man that she always turned away? and above all, who would have known that onse diaz’s love for ivy was so great that it managed to break through the barriers of time and place? and best of all, the song highlighted in the story id just too meaningful. i wonder where that came from, really.

hopefully...

2008-09-26T04:04:00.000-07:00

two weeks before the end of the first semester this year. hopefully, i'll be able to pass my courses with flying colors.

hopefully i'll be able to keep abreast of the time and events that are happening around me.

i also hope that i'll be more successful this year than the last.

good wishes and positive outlook elicits positive outcomes.

won't that be great?!

hmmm...starting to think so, too.

feeling so blessed...

2008-08-21T23:05:00.000-07:00

things sure are coming out all right. Finally, things are going the way they should go.blessings are pouring from every side and i feel not lucky but blessed this time.

what a busy summer!

2008-06-03T06:48:00.000-07:00

As far as I could remember, this is the busiest summer I ever had. Had to attend a lot of debuts, parties. Also had to return to school for many things. Met with friends downtown. Talked a lot of things together. Went to my abuela's house for over a week vacation. Made myself busy somewhere. Overnight in a friend's house after the debut. Talked till morning, debated actually on some topics. Stargazing by the seashore , shared stories till morning, counted shooting stars till four in the morning, slept on the sand without nothing under, not even a piece of cloth. Shared a room with a boy I met only a few hours ago who was actually my friend's friend but still it was the first. Slept near the sea for the first time. Mostly slept at dawnbreak. Made myself scace yet useful at home whenever I was home. Helped out too when I don't feel tired or lazy. Had a lot of engagements. Spent a lot of money too. What a waste! But anyway, I only did it this summer. It's the first time. Had to have my first in something else too. I went to a faraway place for the first time without my mom. It was to attend my friend's debut. We slept there. I did not even ask permission from my mom first. Actually, it was weird, joyful, crazy and all whatever! But I enjoyed it just the same. I learned a lot too. Thought I'd leave that out, huh? No. I haven't forgotten. It was a major learning experience.That's why it was a lot of fun!

when stars go out each night

2008-04-03T17:10:00.000-07:00

Such fun looking at the stars at night. They glow and glisten in the blackness of the night sky. They hang up there looking at all of us.

Sometimes, when I do my own stargazing, I remember the nursery song ringing in my ears. 'How I wonder what you are', enters my mind for the most briefest of moments.

It often crosses my mind what my natural science teacher told us in one of her lectures. 'Some stars are already hundred years dead--- even thousands or millions, for all we know, but there light still reaches us. It always amazed me that they can do that when they're already dead.

I look up at those stars at night, wondering how many among them are already dead but still manages to send their light to us so the sky won't be so dark and scary to look at at night. And I wonder, if ever I can do it, too. Will I be able to send m loved ones my love when I am a quarter of a century six feet under?

It goes to show that stars really belong up in the heavens.

Truly, all's well that ends well....

2008-01-14T04:39:00.000-08:00

I started the day walking to school with a total of thirty minutes from home on an empty stomach, and having to listen to a four hour lecture while feeling a little dizzy and sleepy. Then, I had to start a thirty minute walk back home under the noon sun. Well, the day did not really start that good. In addition to that count of my problems for the day, I did not really understand the lectures given to us that day. But it was just half the day. The other half ended out much better than the first half of the day. Well, it did not really start out that good but it was okay. I ran into a boy who was bringing out a box of bottles which very nearly dropped to the ground. But, as I was nearing the campus I met a lot of old friends and faces. Well, can't describe here what we've been doing except this. We've been laughing a lot as the day ended due to too much hilarious events that happened. It was so fun, after all. Well, just have to say the day might not have started out well, but it ended so well. Truly, all's well that ends well.

When they speak in a foreign tongue...

2008-01-11T00:02:00.000-08:00

There are times when we find ourselves in perfectly perplexing situations where our minds are blank and we do not understand what's happening around us. We have this time when our mind just won't work at all. It just won't process the information it is supposed to be taking care of. And so sometimes we just find ourselves wondering whether they are speaking in a foreign language it just sound to ridiculous for us to understand.

I am still a student in a university where education is given a higher premium than anything else. It is often inferred and assumed by all that all students in this university have higher IQ's and thus, it is a common thought that we are among the best students since we come from a prestigious and one of the best universities in the country.

It is not really a ridiculous thought. Yet, sometimes it is irritating when people just make these inferences of whatever they think we're like. Often, they seem to conclude that students in this university are akin to walking dictionaries and calculators with minds that of a high processing computer where information is easily sorted out and digested. It's like the instructor says this and that and boom! you are expected to understand whatever they're talking of.

Are we such things? Definitely not. Because even the most powerful computer experiences glitches and information overload and all. It is so depressing and troubling that many people expects us to be good in all we do. That whatever we do must be of the highest quality.

I am not against the thought that our work must be that best, that we must have these what they call "better abilities" for us to have entered this institution. Yet, it is wrong to assume that we just can understand whatever they say and be able to digest it fully in just a snap of the fingers. That we must be the best all the time where no failures are expected, is just so presumptuous on their part. This is just so obscene.

I often find myself in such situation especially on courses that we have just been acquainted with. For example, we are studying this course where the lessons are the fundamentals of all mathematical lessons. Where we have to study so many different theorems, corollaries, axioms, lemmas and such. I do not find it boring but the way it is presented to us is so-so.

The instructor tells you this moment that you do not have to really understand this theorems, you just have to accept them as true. Yet, minutes later, he tells you that for the next theorem to be true, you must be able to prove that it is indeed true. How then does one expect that we understand what he's saying when he had just told us to just"accept" it as it is without really explaining what it is?Isn't it completely perplexing? It's like huh? What are you saying? Are you speaking in a completely different tongue? My mind is going blank. It just can't process the said information without first understanding what preceded it?

Whatever. It seems to be just the way things are these days. They tell you this and they just expect you to completely understand them by heart the next second. Well, yeah right. Whatever you say. It must be information overload and all. My system must have had a glitch because it doesn't seem to perform the operations that we are assumed to be performing that very minute. Sometimes, I just wanna shut down and lay to rest all this insanities.

Still have the same opinion? I bet not. After all, we are just students doing our best to understand it all not some excellent information processor that don't have setbacks of our own.

Better get some sleep. My processor might just process the information while I'm asleep. It just might be in my dreams tonight. So help me. I hope it won't be another nightmare. I hope it heals itself tonight.

A bLeSsinG oF rAiN

2008-01-08T23:04:00.001-08:00

Sometimes, we do not want to let the rain in our lives. We view it as something that perplexes us and sometimes changes our lives dramatically or at times, tragically. We mostly associate it with troubles, problems, events that we perceive as undesirable.

Sometimes, it feels like the Heaven had shut it's gate on you, letting rain fall in torrents, drowning you silently. At times, you feel like the world turned its back on you, only hell has opened its doors for you. When Night comes, darkness fills all of your senses making you feel empty, isolated and cursed by all.

When you fall asleep, you dream of Nightmare with its hollow, ghostly mask glowing in the darkness of your subconscious. Collaborating with Satan to tempt you to do the things that are not right.Willing you, with the practicality your mind has acquired, to take the road everybody has chosen.

In the far distances of your mind, you watch as Hades begins to laugh at your foolishness for taking Satan's offer. For the road that most have picked, is the road where you begin to realize that it is surrounded by walls of iniquity and malice. Wide the road is at the start, yet as you journey further, you find that it crooked and narrow.Its walls suppress you till you give in, its road grows thorns till you find yourself bleeding.

Hell scorched the walls so that you burn in furious madness while Satan let Cloud cry its mournful song as it grieves for your damned soul. As you walk further, you find yourself at the edge of a cliff, hanging on a small precipice. The ground yields to the collaborators request, as it breaks at your feet willing you to fall in the darkest abyss where many have fallen.

You scream at the top of your lungs till you have no voice left. You try to look around, but all you ever see is darkness like the soul that you have. You can not even see a single thing. Not even the tip of your fingers.

At that moment, Cloud has completed its idyll and you feel the rain falling from Cloud's heart. Drenching, soaking you till you feel that the Earth has cursed you too for letting you drown. You find yourself cursing Earth and Cloud and also Heaven for the events Fate had dropped into your lap. You view them as your enemies, just watching your every step as you fall into the darkness you yourself have chosen. At that, you hear Hades and Satan laugh and scorn you as Night and Nightmare do their tricks on your mind.

Slowly, Night and Nightmare stopped their antics at the sudden burst of Light into the pit where you have fallen. Hades and Satan cried out for they were now exposed and Light has finally made its self known to you. Heaven beamed at you as Fate began a new weave for you-- colorful and bright. Cloud now sang a new song filling your heart with joy while Heaven renewed your troubled spirit with a new one to help you in darker days.

You stand there astounded, amazed at all the good things before you. You asked them all who helped you. And they replied with all eagerness and gladness. It was Rain from the heart of Cloud who so wanted to help you find your light. He sensed your despair and was troubled at the darkness that filled you. He asked Cloud to let him out. He wanted to pour his tears on you so that you will be cleansed.

To let him out would bring Light back into the sky where it belonged and only then will you see that Heaven has not abandoned you. Heaven only bade his time so you will see the outpour of blessings awaiting you once you have known the way.

Rain is not a curse. It is a blessing. A sign of all the good things to come. It heals the sky so it would return to its former glory-- so bright and bringing hope to those who have none. Rain cleanses the Earth to get rid of all the wastes clogging its lines so that the ground may once more yield its plethora of blessings upon us. It makes the trees greener and all plants lush. It falls down in a heavy downpour to remind us of the the way things once were.

quotations of my own1

2008-01-07T05:11:00.000-08:00

Beautiful sunset. Has the title Angels Fall To Flames. A real inspiration for poets, writers and songwriters.

Just a few quotations of my own. Some are spur of the moment whenever I feel sentimental. Some are just few of the wonders that play in my mind which I have successfully written down.

Love is full of emotion,

you experience a wonderful feeling,

Like a trip through the ocean or a voyage through our living.

One day a wave told me:

If your love is true,

not even the strongest sea would separate you two.

Falling in love is drowning in your deepest thoughts.

Nothing else matters,

except your wonderful love.

-----from doc_steve (whoever he is).

Lend me your hand and hold me,

fight and don't give in,

because i am coming to hold you forever......

virgianearthsnownymp h

ShiLralQ

There might be some days when you feel like the whole world has turned you down.

Like it just don't care for you at all.

But you forgot one thing: faith.

This is the one thing that you can never do without.

This is everybody's lifeline when everything in this world is upside down and when you feel that you just can't take one more step to reach your finish line.

Sometimes it would feel like evryone is so caught up with some thing to do and all you could do is watch them make their lives just whatever they want it to be.

Just look closer.I am here with you.

Ready to help you and be with you when everyone is so damn busy with their own lives to take a look at someone else and stay with them even just for a while.

You can count on me. I can be with you.

-----sevenstarredladyinblue

When will people learn to love without looking at their imperfections? When will they wake up and find out that the one they loved has already gone?

For a single imperfection love has been wasted, for one mistake a year of tears has been paid for..."

-------Angel Lockheart

The VirgianEarthSnowNymph

"Soon people will meet each other,befriend each other,love one another,then they just fall apart one day...how many times do we have to love, just to see ourselves on the floor?

How many times do we have to stand up for a thing that doesn't serve us anything but tears?"

----Angel Lockheart

ShilRalq
"when you have made such a big but risky decision, when you have sacrificed something for the sake of someone, how then will you justify the decision you made when it cost somebody his life?"

-------Angel Lockheart

Welcome to all!!

2008-01-07T04:21:00.000-08:00

Welcome to angel lockheart's blogspot. You are welcome to take a look and give comments to the entries here. Hope you will enjoy your visit. Just keep looking cause I'll be updating when I have something new to post or anything worth mentioning from my point of view.

Please feel free to give comments so I can act on it accordingly. Thank you.